


I'll use you as a focal point (so I don't lose sight of what I want)

by electrictony



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Blame the avengers endgame trailer, Character Study, Gen, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Mentions of Character Death, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-16 08:03:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16950165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrictony/pseuds/electrictony
Summary: “Do you still think Tony is out there?” Natasha had asked him a month after the Decimation. The whole world was sure he was gone. The media was sure that Tony’s disappearance was directly related to the calamity. Some even blamed Tony for it. But the common belief every group held was that Anthony Edward Stark was dead. Natasha’s eyes were always guarded when she asked him, a façade of faith etched so deep into her voice that sometimes Steve could almost believe that she thought he was alive too. But she didn’t. Not until now.(The aftermath of the Decimation has taken its toll on Steve. But Tony's still alive and Steve will bring him home.)This work was written before Avengers: Endgame came out so it's canon divergent and based off off scenes in the trailer, but Chapter 3 contains Endgame spoilers as it was written after the movie came out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for reading this fic. It's my first fic in the past three years and I bet that shows, and it's also my first SteveTony fic. English isn't my first language and this fic is un-betaed, so there's bound to be some errors!

_When I drift off…_

Tony’s voice rung loudly against the silence. Steve’s was breathing slowly, an erratic rhythm that paused every time Tony spoke. He knew this message was meant for Pepper, a love letter written with Tony’s dying breath, and yet as soon as FRIDAY had picked up on it he had played it on loop. Steve was reminded of those the ladies who flocked around the postman during the war. They would be jittery, even old Mrs. Griffin would run down to the mailbox to find her son’s letter. When the soldiers had up and left, their bodies and minds across the borders, these letters were all that families had. He used to think it was a strange thing- to hold onto a piece of paper as if could ever compare to a person who was so much more.

And yet, with every replay of Tony’s words, he would do anything to hear more. A longer letter. Another few moments of hearing Tony’s voice. 

But what if Tony didn’t have any more moments left to give? The transmission was two hours old and they had only intercepted it with FRIDAY’s help an hour ago at which point Natasha had heard nothing more than Tony’s estimate for the remainder of the oxygen and stormed off to find Bruce. She was planning a mission.

A rescue mission.

The first mission since the Decimation. At least that’s what they were calling it. In the five months since the title had become the word, every headline began with. A title that had become so dangerously intertwined in every sentence that sometimes Steve wondered if there had been a time when he didn’t hear it ringing through his mind every moment. A time when he didn’t constantly touch his fingers and wonder if he would still feel the roughness of dust settling into his palm. The haunting feeling of knowing that someone you loved was fading beyond existence and there was nothing you could do.

At first, no one knew what had happened. World leaders died, leaving gaping holes in the structure of so many countries. Conspiracies shot up at alarming rates: a biological virus turning people to dust or maybe another war, some proposed. The world was grappling with loss and denial so immense that every source of joy had begun to disappear in the weeks following the Decimation.

The once bright streets of New York city had been grey, dark and so painful. Painfully empty. Steve had lived through a war, a lifetime spent underneath the confines of cold waters and yet the world after Thanos’ victory had been the most haunting sight he’d seen.

It was in the air. A painful hopeless that surrounded everything. It was as if the human race had finally stopped running: stagnant, silent and half of what it had once been. Half the smiles, half the brightness, half the hope. Half the team.

Bucky. Sam. Wanda. Vision. T’challa.

They were all gone and he didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye. He’d seen Bucky, his friend who had traveled through time and who had finally been at Steve’s side, unravel like a cloud of dust dispelling away underneath the afternoon sun. Steve had always known that a soldier’s death was a lonely one, without a bed and without a hand to hold. But Bucky wasn’t a soldier anymore. Neither was Sam. Sam who had been all alone when the world ripped itself into halves.

 _We are not soldiers._

Tony had been right then. The Avengers weren’t soldiers, they were so much more and yet why did each of them die a soldier’s death? And why hadn’t he been the first to die? _Not a perfect soldier._ The words echoed in his mind. He couldn't even die like a soldier. When Steve had signed up to fight a war, he hadn’t thought he would live past twenty-five. But here he was, adding months to his never-ending time. Adding mistakes. Adding loneliness.

He was alone now, and there was no one to blame but himself. Together, he had once promised. Together until the terrain turned red with anger and spilled secrets. He had been so foolish then, to think that he could be twice the man he was. He was the one pretending to be a hero, not Tony. No, Tony had known this would happen. He had known. He had fought to prevent this very future.

_I’m trying to keep the Avengers from falling apart._

Tony didn’t promise him an eternity of together, he didn’t make a stupid promise. Steve was the one who held onto dreams when Tony was the one who pulled his head out of his ass and tried to fight this very future.

But now, Tony was dying.

Not dead, but dying. Steve had always believed he wasn’t dead. Tony wouldn’t have turned to ashes, after all, if Steve had the misfortune of living while he lost everything, why would Tony, the one who had a family and a home awaiting him, die before Steve? How could the man who could build the unthinkable not survive? Iron Man had always been their resilience. Tony Stark was the man who wronged and wronged and yet never let his wrongs become him. The fighter even when the fight was dead. Tony was stubborn enough that he would fight until he couldn’t anymore. Then, Tony would fight some more. Steve had always admired that about him.

“Do you still think Tony is out there?” Natasha had asked him a month after the Decimation. The whole world was sure he was gone. The media was sure that Tony’s disappearance was directly related to the calamity. Some even blamed Tony for it. But the common belief every group held was that Anthony Edward Stark was dead. Natasha’s eyes were always guarded when she asked him, a façade of faith etched so deep into her voice that sometimes Steve could almost believe that she thought he was alive too. But she didn’t. Not until now.

Tony was still alive and Steve would be damned if he didn’t do everything he could to bring him home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then, he sat himself down beside Natasha, shut his eyes for a painful breath and said, “Let’s bring Iron Man home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, all mistakes are my own. I'd love to hear your feedback and comments below (or just random feels about the future of Stevetony in the MCU!)  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Bruce said there were two possible coordinates that Tony could be sending the message from. One was the exact spot that the message was traced back to, but it was unlikely that Tony’s trajectory would be fixed considering remaining stationery would expend more energy rather than orbiting the local system.

Steve suggested that the rescue mission team should be split into two parties to make sure that at least someone might reach Tony in time. Bruce was adamant that Natasha and Steve alone wouldn’t be able to navigate space. He even offered to come along with them but Steve had given him one look and asked, “You want to leave Rhodey alone?”

The quiet look of understanding in Bruce’s eyes said that he didn’t want Rhodey to be alone either. Somehow it went unsaid that if something happened to Tony if it did… It would absolutely crush Rhodey. He could still see it- Bucky turning to ash right in front of his eyes- and Steve didn’t think anyone deserved to see their closest friend pass away that way.

Rhodey was a capable pilot and scientist, but what would be left of him if he saw Tony lying motionless in the depths of space? Would he even _try_ to make it back?

The past few months had been harsh on all of them but none more so than Rhodey. He had held on so tightly to the hope that Tony was alive, and Steve had often found him sitting in Tony’s new workshop. It was the one place Steve never dared to enter. This workshop was where Tony had spent his days and nights, but it was also the place where he had once seen Tony and Rhodey watching a movie and laughing so loudly that Steve had felt a sharp pain in his chest. He had envied them once and he knew without a doubt that Rhodey would break if Tony didn't make it. One look at Rhodey was enough to cement the decision that he and Bruce would move to the most probable predicted trajectory.

“Natasha can navigate space just fine, she’s a genius the new Quinjet. You both should get going as soon as possible.” Bruce nodded softly, he rushed out towards Rhodes who was waiting near the launch bay. He was almost out of earshot when Bruce shouted, “Go get him, soldier!”

Steve gave him a brief wave to acknowledge him. Then, he sat himself down beside Natasha, shut his eyes for a painful breath and said, “Let’s bring Iron Man home.”

                                                                                          ***

Tony didn’t know what day it was. It wasn’t such an uncommon feat for him; after all, he was always shit at keeping track of the calendar. Who needed to know the day when all of it was spent in the artificially bright nook of his workshop and not underneath the painfully distracting sunlight?

But now it was all he wanted to know. Was it a Monday or a Saturday?

Tony Stark couldn’t die on a boring Monday. A quiet Friday evening perhaps, or a late Saturday night made more sense. Not a weekday. The last time he had been so close to death— no, not the last but that one time when a bomb had blown up in his face— at least he had known the date, time and location of his supposed deathmatch.

But now, all he knew was that he was orbiting a star so far from the backyard of his own solar system that no one would find him. No one could rescue him before _he died on a Monday_.

At first, he had kept track of time. This ship might’ve housed humans but it didn’t seem to follow any measure of time that he knew. So, he had begun to tally the hours on rough estimates. Nebula had shown him the conversion units to understand time as the ship displayed it, but Tony just didn’t have the energy anymore…

The only thing he knew with certainty was that he didn’t have much time left. Another few earth hours? Three, optimistically. One, realistically. But the probability that his message—much less his location—reached Pepper or Rhodey was statistically slim. And even if they received the message, how would they reach him in time?

Pepper, he knew, wouldn’t shed tears but would break into his lab and get the codes for the new Quinjet prototype. Storming into space wouldn’t even sound like a challenge to her, Rhodey would be with her too. He would probably make sure to get backup- Vision, perhaps. Or Bruce…

 _Thanos couldn’t have taken Pepper and Rhodey away too, right?_ The odds wouldn’t do that to Tony. He didn’t think that even the universe could be that cruel.

He closed his eyes and ran his hand along the smooth surface of his faceplate. The edges were sharper now and every stroke of his was met with dented metal. If not Rhodey and Pepper, then perhaps Bruce or Vision or Happy had turned to dust.

Not Rogers. Definitely, not Rogers. Steve would still be alive, fighting the good fight and assembling whatever was left of the team to bring the fight to Thanos. Steve who was a liar. Steve who hadn't been with him. Together, huh? What a cruel old man.

The idea that he didn’t even know who was gone— that he might even be the last one left—scared  Tony worse than even the prospect of the oxygen slowly depleting. The metal of his helmet felt sinister somehow— cold to touch and colder to look at. A reminder of death and all that he couldn’t protect.

No sense of time, no warm reunions but only a symbol of all the people he had failed remained. Tony Stark had failed, _again_. _What a predictably sorry tragedy_ , he thought as he slowly drifted, still holding onto the crude remnant of his helmet.

                                                                                          ***

The cockpit of the Quinjet had been made for a team, not for two or three but large enough that it looked ready to house the Avengers. Bruce and Rhodey had taken the slightly smaller and faster version of this prototype. Both hadn’t been tested in a field missions before because Tony had only finished building them a few weeks before his disappearance.

Tony had never stopped believing in the Avengers even after the two years since had torn the fabric of the team apart. God, he had never meant to _take_. He never wanted to see the betrayed dismay that Tony’s eyes had given away just as Steve had brought down his shield upon the reactor. And yet he took and took until Tony had nothing left to give and—

 Breaking Steve’s train of thought, Natasha said, “This is going to work, Steve.”

“I know it is.” He said, softly. The endless expanse of darkness ahead didn’t deign to contradict him but Steve gave her a weak nod as he said, “Cause I don’t know what I’m going to do if it doesn’t.”

Then, he descended on to the Benatar.

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this fic comes from I found by Amber Run. I was just listening to an old playlist and as soon as I heard it, I realized how well it fit.  
> Also, this fic will have a sequel (as a chapter of maybe as the next part in a series?). You can find me on [tumblr](https://notrustliar.tumblr.com) ! I'd love to talk about Stevetony and answer any of your questions about this fic!


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